A Letter to Orrin Hatch

Yesterday, via The Randy Report, I came across this quote by Orrin Hatch regarding marriage equality:

“I’ll say this, I do believe this could be solved greatly by a civil-union law that would give gay people the same rights as married people,” said Hatch, who mentioned hospital visitations and tax benefits. “I think we can solve this problem without undermining the very basis of marital law in our country.”

Hatch said he doesn’t believe people choose to be gay, but “I draw the line on traditional marriage.”

Oh Orrin!

There’s so much to say, I don’t even know where to begin.  First of all, I think that at this point in history, witnessing the clear trajectory of LGBT civil rights, it is hilariously pompous and hysterically entertaining for you to let us know where you “draw the line.”  Orrin, I don’t know how to say this gently, but fewer and fewer Americans give a furry rat’s ass where you would draw the line.  You can draw all the lines you want, Orrin.  You can put your foot down!  You just keep right on drawing and stomping while the rest of the country moves forward.

Another point I’d like to make is that my marriage ~ my gay gay gay gay marriage ~ doesn’t actually undermine anything at all.  You say that and the flags start waving and I’m guessing the donations start coming in and people get all emotional and riled up.  Good for you.  But could you be more specific?   There is marriage equality in 9 states and the District of Columbia now, so this undermining you speak of is no longer theoretical.  No longer hypothetical.  It would have happened.  Stop waving all that bloody red meat at the sharks and tell us what you’re talking about.  Be specific.  I want to know how marriage equality ~ my marriage ~ has done anything ~ anything at all ~ to undermine your marriage.  I want to know how your sacred union will be shaken to its very core when my marriage is recognized by the federal government.  I want to know.  Seriously.  I’m not kidding.  Because I just don’t feel all that powerful.

And before you read the following paragraph, I must admit that it was written with no shortage of giddy, blissful glee.  I could not be more tickled to point out the doddering uselessness you put on such vivid display here.  Given the words you use in the above quote, it is more than clear that you view gay people as a problem to be solved while, increasingly, the rest of the country just views us as their family.  We’ve come out of the closet, Orrin.  And we will continue to do so.  What you fail to realize, in your remarkable, unearned arrogance, is that we are no longer content to be defined by those who hate us.  We are no longer scared.  What you fail to realize is that gay America is no longer that thing over there ~ drooling in a dark corner somewhere waiting to pounce ~ waiting to destroy the country. We ARE the country, Orrin.  We are Americans.  And we are not interested in where you draw the line.  We’ll draw our own lines.  And we are not asking, Orrin.  As you run around letting us know what is and isn’t acceptable like an impotent father, it should be pointed out that we are not asking permission.  We are demanding.  And again, it brings me great joy to let you know, Orrin, that we are winning.  We are winning.  And more and more of your colleagues, whose moral compasses seem remarkably swayed by polling numbers and the prospect that they too might be joining the ranks of the unemployed if they don’t find it within their hearts to actually support equality, seem to know that.  You are rapidly becoming irrelevant, Orrin.  Irrelevant.  You and your lines, totally, utterly irrelevant.  Oh, happy day!

Sincerely,

Ian Rosen