Gay Derangement Syndrome Strikes Again

Another person has been claimed by a powerful disease.  Trestin Meacham has succumbed to Gay Derangement Syndrome.  Sadly, he is not alone.   Trestin is just one of many documented cases of people having been driven to absolute insanity by the idea that gay people exist.  Indeed, he has lost his mind.

You may recall Trestin, if not by name then from the two week hunger strike he went on in the hopes of stopping gay Utah couples from marrying.  When the Supreme Court ordered a stay on Utah’s same-sex marriages while the case was under appeal, he started eating again.  Beginner.  It is unclear at this time if he believes his efforts helped to bring about the stay.  Frankly, I wasn’t all that impressed.  What he called a hunger strike I used to call getting ready for Broadway Bares.  (Don’t know what that is?  Click here.  Possibly NSFW).  Two weeks?  Please.  But, whatever.  You say potato.

It seems, however, that his symptoms have grown more acute.  He now claims that his “…mission, [his] purpose in life is to stand against the homosexual movement.”  He goes on to say that “This has nothing to do with hatred of a group of people.  I have friends and relatives…” (The bigot’s battle cry.)  “…who practice a homosexual lifestyle…” (Last night I was invited out for a drink after work.  I opted to go home to make sure my sick husband was ok.  Homosexual lifestyle practiced.  Check.) “…and I treat them with the same respect and kindness that I would anyone.”  (One of the symptoms of Gay Derangement Syndrome, or GDS, is that words are stripped of any and all meaning, allowing sufferers to cobble together sentences and thoughts that make no sense whatsoever.  For example, Trestin doesn’t hate.  He’s kind and respectful.  He’d just rather starve himself to death than see gay people married.)

More recently, he posted, “Let’s be clear about something…” (Cool.  I love clarity.) “…my mission, my purpose in life is to stand against the homosexual movement.  Not to persecute or hate gay individuals, but to stand against and defeat the homosexual movement.”  (So, in the interest of clarity, sad, silent, solitary gays are ok.  But the minute we start talkin’ to one another…)

One of the final stages of Gay Derangement Syndrome is self-deification. This is when the patient goes completely off the rails.  They become obsessed and begin to wax fauxetic.  Their words take on a loftier, grander air.   One gets the sense that their flirtation with the God/martyr/paranoid/victim complex has finally blossomed into full consummation.  “I will never stop. As long as I draw breath.  I will stand against them when they attack the churches.  I will stand against them when they attack individuals.  I will stand against them in my old age.  I will stand against them in sickness and health.  They can kill my body, but my spirit will never submit to their tyranny.  I will expose their hate and rage.  I will expose their persecution of religion.  And I will expose their hidden plans.  This secret combination has made a powerful foe.  This is only the beginning.”

Ok…so, coupla things…

At this point, the disease has metastasized and likely can not be treated.  He’s too far gone.  As long as he draws breath!  What it lacks in originality it makes up for in crazy.  He will stand against us as we attack.  As we attack!  Because, you know, someone has to protect the public from those marauding bands of pipe-wielding homosexuals who yell “fucking Christian” as they beat people to death on their way from church.   He invokes marriage.  As if the only true bond is the one between him and his passion for inequality.  At this point, he let’s us know that even though we may kill his physical body (who is trying to kill him, exactly?), his spirit will continue to hate.  Even in death.  That sounds peaceful.  He uses the word “tyranny” because…well…why not?  Such a great, manipulative word.  I myself try to use it at least once a day.  And this is where he really could have used an editor, because he should have ended with the death imagery.  But he goes on.  He’s going to expose, expose, expose.  Our hate.  Our rage.  Our hidden plans!!!  Not for nothin’, our plans aren’t hidden.  All you have to do is ask us and we’ll tell you.  But he does get props for giving others who suffer from GDS the sense that he knows something they don’t.

Although it’s difficult to tell from looking at this advanced case, GDS is preventable.  If caught and treated early enough, it can be eradicated entirely.  If you know someone who suffers from GDS, get them help immediately.  Mr. Meacham could have been saved.  But sadly, it is too late.  I have to admit, though, I for one can’t wait to see how the next round of symptoms present themselves.  Stay tuned.

Posted on Jan 17, 2014 by Ian In: All, Current Events/Pop Culture/Politics, Inside Voice
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