Cover Letter

Applying for jobs online is like dropping a penny down an infinite well ~ you wait and wait for a plop that likely never comes.

You attach your resume, write a cover letter highlighting exactly where your skills and experience intersect with the requirements for that particular position, fill out any fields that weren’t auto-populated, make sure to use appropriate keywords, check for typos, double-check for typos, step away from the computer for twenty minutes, and finally reread everything backwards to triple-check for typos. You take a deep breath. You hit send. A decision that can never be undecided. And that application disappears. Into the ether. Never to be seen or heard from again. Plop???

Where do these applications go? It’s a question for the ages. I must admit that lately, spurred on by the feeling that they aren’t going anywhere, I have begun to tell the truth. Why not? What do I have to lose?

Below is a cover letter I sent a few weeks ago.

To whom it may concern ~

I must admit to being slightly torn.

On the one hand, I want to highlight my attention to detail by pointing out that the last line in your “requirements” section seems to have been edited and then not proofread. It currently reads, “At least 5-7 prior executive assistant experience”. I’m guessing the words “years of” were in there at some point. Also, there are a few minor inconsistencies with the punctuation throughout the post.

On the other hand, your second requirement is, “Must exercise good judgment, tact, and patience”. Pointing out flaws in your post in no way exercises good judgment or tact. Quite the opposite, actually. It almost ensures that you won’t even get this far in my letter. If this were a business meeting, I would absolutely exercise good judgment and tact and keep my mouth shut.

I would love to come in and discuss the job further.

Best regards,
Roger Ian Rosen

Also on that application was a field where applicants were asked to explain why we’re unique and creative in 150 characters or less.

I opted for a haiku.

Funny, creative
guy seeks job in tough market.
Would love to chat more.

I haven’t heard back from them yet. Go figure. I’ll keep you posted on any new developments.