Fanboy Thanks a Hero

I’ve written before about the differences I felt in the experience of growing up Jewish and growing up gay.

As a Jewish kid I had a bris, was sent to Hebrew school and had a Bar Mitzvah. My cultural identity was passed on to me at the dinner table with the kugel. My pride in that identity was handed to me in books, movies, heroes. Sandy Koufax! (Also, Sandy was left-handed. See, left-handed Jews can do anything!) It seeped through the very pores of my house. It was something my family shared and that my parents found not just important to pass on to us (me and my brother), but something absolutely necessary to our upbringing ~ to the composition of our characters ~ to the men they wanted us to become. And frankly, it wasn’t just important to them, it was necessary for them. Necessary for them to know they [continue reading...]

July 21, 2014
Featured Posts, Inside Voice
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Listen to Your Mother ~ I Love You Anyway

Below is the piece I wrote and read for North Jersey’s inaugural production of Listen to Your Mother.

I am so very proud to have been a part of this remarkable group of writers, artists, moms, people. Click here to see the other pieces that were read/shared in the show. It was truly a remarkable piece of theater. If you get a chance to see a production of Listen to Your Mother next Mother’s Day, go! It is an incredible experience.

 

I Love You Anyway

I love you anyway.

That was my mother’s reaction when I came out of the closet.  I was 13, maybe 14.

It was the best she had at the time.  It would be years before she would begin to understand how those words were almost perfect.  Nearly.  But perfect [continue reading...]

July 9, 2014
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To My Husband, On Our 14th Anniversary ~

Our wedding ~ the 1st one ~ felt like a graduation. In my head, I knew it was the beginning of something, but really it just felt like an ending. A destination. I had found him. The one! You!!! Our wedding was the exclamation point that followed the long and occasionally winding sentence of my dating life. How was I supposed to know that that moment under the chuppah was less exclamation point than ellipsis? Hey, you don’t know what you don’t know.

So I married you. The man I loved. The man who had me not quite at hello, but so soon after that that loved ones flew to my side to check out both you and my mental state. I remember saying to my mother, only a few weeks after we [continue reading...]

June 24, 2014
All, Inside Voice
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A Question for PRIDE Month ~ Is There Such a Thing as the Gay Community?

Below is my most recent piece for VillageQ.

A few years ago at Pride, an eldergay, upon hearing that I was living with my husband of 13 years (then) and was doing everything in my power to secure the right of every LGBT American to marry the person they love, looked me up and down and said, “Oh, you’re an assimilation queen.” He did not approve. He did not believe that the battles he fought so hard in the 70s and 80s should have led our people to the altar – the purest, most undiluted symbol of banality. As far as he was concerned, gay people had not been excluded from, as much as freed from the asphyxiation of a white picket fence…

To read the rest of the piece at VillageQ, click here.

June 20, 2014
All, Current Events/Pop Culture/Politics, Inside Voice
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To My Parents, On Their 49th Anniversary

Today, June 12th, 2014, you celebrate your 49th wedding anniversary.

I googled traditional wedding gifts and found nothing. It seems that when you get to 49, all eyes focus on the next one, thus dulling the achievement of 49 and treating 50 as if it were a foregone conclusion. So I started thinking, what can I get you that will be meaningful, worthy of 49 years ~ roughly 17,885 days, 429,240 hours, 25,744,400 minutes, 1,545,264,000 seconds ~ roughly, if I did my math right, which I very well may not have ~ but still remain affordable? What indeed??? You just went on vacation. You have more than enough dishes. You have 14,000 sets of mostly complete silver, some of which you can’t really account for your possession of, that you never use. Any [continue reading...]

June 12, 2014
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The Real Reason Amy Kushnir is Upset

Dear Amy Kushnir, Duck Dynasty cretins, Benham brothers, Adam Carolla, and every other human being who has ever squealed about their First Amendment rights being taken or lamented the rise of the Gaystapo, the Gay Mafia, or the Gay Thought Police or who has worried about the rise of “gaytheism.” (Personally, I love “gaytheism” and intend to use it to describe my own personal religious views.)

This letter goes out to all of you ~

The reason you’re angry is quite simple, and understandable really. In a sense, I feel bad for you, because your world has changed so radically, shifted so quickly, so thoroughly, that you don’t know which end is up.

The shift I’m referring to is that your LGBT bigotry is no longer a monologue. When you speak, when you spew your bile, we are no [continue reading...]

May 22, 2014
All, Current Events/Pop Culture/Politics, Featured Posts, Inside Voice, Write the Power
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Today in Gay Derangement: 2 Women Whose GDS Had Led Them to Wildly Different Conclusions

Linda Harvey, founder of the website and LGBT bullying primer Mission: America has a book out (that even Amazon won’t carry) which claims that gay people are closeted heterosexuals. Yes, her rather extreme form of GDS presents as the belief that gay people simply don’t exist.  “The reality is, no one is a homosexual and everyone is a heterosexual.”  I would like to state for the record that I personally am a card carrying, power bottoming, Pride marching, gym and body obsessing, one-time suicide contemplating, occasional body hair clipping, Beyoncé lip synching, overpriced underwear buying, obscure musical theatre referencing, Karen Walker quoting, interested in professional sports only if there’s a hot guy wearing tight pants watching, Barbra Streisand worshiping, man marrying, Oscar dress snarking, cock sucking homosexual queer queen [continue reading...]

January 23, 2014
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Juan Pablo Admits Publicly That He Suffers From Gay Derangement Syndrome, or GDS

Ok, he didn’t admit it so much as reveal his symptoms by opening his big, fat diseased mouth.

Juan Pablo, “star” of ABC’s The Bachelor, was recently asked whether he thought a dating reality show featuring a gay or bisexual bachelor was a good idea.

“No…I respect [gay people]…” (You know there’s a but coming, right?) “…but…” (Uh-oh.) “…honestly, I don’t think it’s a good example for kids.”  (As I pointed out in an earlier post, one of most common symptoms of  GDS is the stripping of words from their meaning.  JP respects gay people, he just doesn’t want children exposed to our filthy lives.)  “Now there is fathers having kids and all that, and it is hard for me to understand…” (I feel that a lot of things are hard for JP [continue reading...]

January 20, 2014
Current Events/Pop Culture/Politics, Featured Posts, Inside Voice, Uncategorized
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Gay Derangement Syndrome Strikes Again

Another person has been claimed by a powerful disease.  Trestin Meacham has succumbed to Gay Derangement Syndrome.  Sadly, he is not alone.   Trestin is just one of many documented cases of people having been driven to absolute insanity by the idea that gay people exist.  Indeed, he has lost his mind.

You may recall Trestin, if not by name then from the two week hunger strike he went on in the hopes of stopping gay Utah couples from marrying.  When the Supreme Court ordered a stay on Utah’s same-sex marriages while the case was under appeal, he started eating again.  Beginner.  It is unclear at this time if he believes his efforts helped to bring about the stay.  Frankly, I wasn’t all that impressed.  What he called a hunger strike I used to call getting ready for Broadway Bares.  [continue reading...]

January 17, 2014
All, Current Events/Pop Culture/Politics, Inside Voice
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Governor Christie ~ Is it Too Much to Ask That You Be Both Honest AND Respectful?

There are a few things that have been going on over here in Jersey during the Christie years that have driven me absolutely insane.  Actually, they’re not going on over here in Jersey, they’re going on in the media’s blind spot to my governor.

The other day I watched Governor Christie at his lengthy press conference.  In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I didn’t make it through the entire thing.  Nearly two hours of watching someone explain why they deserve to be first person on the Titanic’s dinghies is a long time.  We got it.  You didn’t know.  You just heard.  You were working out.  (Not for nothin’, am I the only person who thought that remark was a particularly overworked piece of political theatre ~ wedged in there like a nun at [continue reading...]

January 11, 2014
All, Featured Posts, Inside Voice, Write the Power
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