If it has, can someone please send me a copy so I can read it, study it, highlight it, earmark it, quote its über-inspirational passages and use my status updates to proselytize on Facebook? Please?
Because I am not good at this. Recovery requires a patience that I don’t naturally possess and I need a guide ~ or shaman ~ some form of spiritual presence to lead me to a hidden trough of patience and acceptance; balance and harmony. You see, my natural tendency is to scream and rage and pout. And left to my own devices I will begin each screaming, raging, pouting sentence with “But I WAAAAAAANT…..!!!!!!”
It’s not a good look on a 41 year old.
Three weeks after my surgery [continue reading...]
I’m being tortured by a piece of blue foam. I understand that it couldn’t possibly look any more innocuous ~ a blue foam wedge with four straps attached to it that must be kept between my legs at all times, including when I’m asleep ~ and when I was told that I would have to “wear” it constantly post-surgery, I nodded a nod of sweet, blind ignorance. I thoughtlessly smiled and blank-stared my understanding and acquiescence. I heard the words, but they had yet to be tethered to actual meanings; definitions. What I acknowledged and agreed to was just sound. Since then, those sounds have morphed into experience, and that once seemingly harmless blue foam wedge has become an instrument of torture powerful enough to reach down into the deepest layer of [continue reading...]
It is a big deal.
Rick & I are going into NYC today. To get married. For the fifth time. But today will be our first “marriage.”
It didn’t start out feeling special. This time around was solely to ensure that we are protected by a “we” bubble when I go into the hospital next week. The thought that someone might bar Rick from my room, ignore him or treat him as some kind of stranger should a decision need to be made on my behalf, was beyond hideous. I needed to know that all who come in contact with us know who he is and treat him accordingly.
This time around, the fifth time around, was not for love. It was for comfort; for protection.
No big deal. We’ve done [continue reading...]
Recently I was telling an acquaintance that Rick and I had gone in to NYC to get a marriage license and that next week we would be trekking back in to seal the deal. I explained that we’re doing it now because I want to be married before my surgery. Married. Not domestically partnered. Not civilly unioned. Not any of the lesser options we’ve been forced over the course of our relationship to accept because they were what was available to us at the time. Now that DOMA is dead, and since I’m having my surgery in New York (where marriage equality has been the law of the land for over two years and where, as far as I can tell, Western civilization has yet to crumble, at least not any more than it [continue reading...]
This week I watched from afar as someone I don’t know ~ a friend of many friends ~ sounded off on FB regarding what marriage is and isn’t. This person, who spent a lifetime in the theatre, riffed on religion, God and Jesus; ranted about bloodlines and how nothing other than one man, one woman marriage would ever be “real” marriage. While infuriating, her tantrum wasn’t interesting or creative enough to have brought anything new to the table. Her posts merely exposed her ability to regurgitate the same bullshit we’ve come to expect from those who are suddenly more concerned with penises fitting into vaginas than with the fact that it will take the gays generations to destroy the institution of marriage with quite the same panache that heterosexuals have [continue reading...]
As we all know, history was made yesterday when the Supreme Court struck down section 3 of DOMA ~ the section which was specifically designed to keep the federal government from ever recognizing those yucky, immoral, dirty, non-sacred gay relationships. I laughed. I cried. I celebrated. It was a huge day ~ a huge step towards full LGBT equality. But as the sun rose this morning, the overwhelming emotion of becoming an almost full citizen of this country began to dissipate and reality set in. Yes, it was a HUGE step, but ultimately, it was just a step. There are a lot more steps that need to be taken.
As I watched DOMA become an embarrassing chapter in American history, I told Rick that before I go under the knife this summer I [continue reading...]
Our 13th wedding anniversary! You know I’ve always had a thing about making it to ~ and past ~ 13 years. Silly, right? It’s not logical. And anyway, longevity in and of itself is meaningless. Still, I’ve always wanted to be your longest relationship. I just have.
And now here we are. I don’t really remember my life before you. Yet I can’t quite account for all that time together. Thirteen years. Thirteen years? Thirteen. Years!
I don’t know what I envisioned we would be at this point. Maybe I thought we’d be older. Maybe we are older and I just don’t see it. Maybe as we march towards old age our eyes have stayed fixed on some more youthful date in the past. Maybe I thought we would have all the answers [continue reading...]
Although it was nearly a decade ago and although my memory for dates and events is deeply flawed, to put it mildly, I do remember that. I remember because I was swinging “Fiddler” and we were still in previews. I had no costumes ~ only shoes and skins ~ and one of our bottle dancers was deathly ill with the flu. Pasty, cold, sweaty, shaky and barely able to keep his head up. Management told him we weren’t yet in a position to put on a swing and he, somehow, white knuckled his way through the first show, sleeping in the green room during every break. It was clear, however, that a second show that day was not in his future. There was no [continue reading...]
A few days ago I met with yet another orthopedist in the hopes of resolving my hip issue once and for all. At this point, I’m tired of talking about it, tired of thinking about it and tired of hurting over it. I just want it resolved. The time has come to cut it out, scrape it clean, staple it down and sew it up. I just want to get back to my life as I know it.
The first thing Dr. New Orthopedist wanted to do was take his own x-rays. My previous x-rays were taken three months ago and were therefore deemed “too old.” I needed “more current” images. I think this is code for “I don’t trust your previous doctor,” but whatever. I want him to be comfortable treating me and if [continue reading...]
I had the perfect job. Doing an incredible show. At a great theatre. With inspiring and talented friends. Performing a role I’ve been wanting to perform since 1985. (Click here to read about my journey with the show, “A Chorus Line,” and the character of Greg.) And it all just fell in my lap. Boom. Perfect.
How often does that happen?
Apparently never. There was one tiny detail ~ one black hole ~ lurking in the background ~ that pulled it all apart. My hip. My hip, which I’m told is all used up and which has been causing me pain for the past four and a [continue reading...]