A Thought for the Boy Scouts

Dear Boy Scouts,

I have already sent you my thoughts on your upcoming decision as to whether or not you should allow openly gay scouts and leaders into the Boy Scouts.

You should take a moment to read this short, powerful note from my husband, Richard Darst, a former scout.

I am a gay man.  The Boy Scouts was a big part of my life as a young boy.  Through the scouts I learned so many practical life skills like cooking and first aid.  But more importantly, I learned what it means to be an honest, caring, and involved citizen. I had many dedicated troop leaders, but it would have been wonderful had there been one to whom I could truly relate.  The Boy Scouts of America’s current policy regarding gay leaders saddens [continue reading...]

Updated: Dear Boy Scouts of America ~ It’s Not About Banning Gay Scouts & Leaders, It’s About Banning Honesty

Let’s be clear, the policy debate you’re currently having is not about whether to continue your ban on gays in the Boy Scouts.  The debate you’re currently having is about whether to continue your ban on honesty and integrity within the Boy Scouts.

The simple truth is this:  there always have been gay scouts and leaders and there will always be gay scouts and leaders.  You can not ban them.  All you can do is enforce a policy that forces them to lie about who they are.

A few months ago, on this issue of honesty, you decided not to decide.  At least not just then.  In the statement you made to the press you called this an issue with a great deal of “complexity” and said that “the organization needs time for a [continue reading...]

Dear Matt R. Salmon ~

I almost didn’t write this letter because it feels presumptuous.  It feels presumptuous to me to think I can see the pain and struggle in your eyes without knowing you after watching you on tv for three plus minutes.  And yet, I can’t stop thinking about you, Matt.  I can’t, because as presumptuous as it may be, I see what I see and it breaks my heart.  I want to hug you.  I want to protect you.  There’s so much I want to tell you.

I must first admit that I have no experience in familial rejection.  It pains me to say that we live in a world where I am excessively lucky.  I came out to my parents and my brother when I was 14 or 15 and over the course of the next few years we all learned a lot together.  Sometimes I led, sometimes [continue reading...]

A Letter to Orrin Hatch

Yesterday, via The Randy Report, I came across this quote by Orrin Hatch regarding marriage equality:

“I’ll say this, I do believe this could be solved greatly by a civil-union law that would give gay people the same rights as married people,” said Hatch, who mentioned hospital visitations and tax benefits. “I think we can solve this problem without undermining the very basis of marital law in our country.”

Hatch said he doesn’t believe people choose to be gay, but “I draw the line on traditional marriage.”

Oh Orrin!

There’s so much to say, I don’t even know where to begin.  First of all, I think that at this point in history, witnessing the clear trajectory of LGBT civil rights, it is hilariously pompous and hysterically entertaining for you to let us know where you “draw the line.”  Orrin, I don’t know how [continue reading...]

An Open Letter to Peter LaBarbera Regarding Keeping Marriage from the Gays Because Our Sex is Yucky

Dear Petey ~

Recently, you were a guest on Janet Mefferd’s radio talk show.  You and she discussed the marriage equality bill in Illinois.  During the course of this conversation you asked the (I’m guessing) rhetorical question:  “How do two guys consummate their marriage?”

You then proceeded to answer the question yourself:  “Yuck.”

Oh, Pete!  This is your best shot?  Seriously?  After all your years spent in the trenches of professional hate-mongering, you’re reverting to the oldest anti-LGBT rhetoric?  Really had to reach to the back of the sock drawer for that one, huh?  You don’t want us to get married…because you think our sex…is yucky?  You’re using yuck as a legal argument ~ a legal, philosophical and moral argument ~ for creating and maintaining discriminatory laws?

Has your well run so dry ~ is [continue reading...]

Dear Chris Culliver and All the Other Straight Men Who Fear that Gay Guys in the Locker Room Are Looking at You “That Way” ~

Let me spare you the suspense:  Yes.  Yes we are.

But you’re missing the silver lining.  Most of you are incredibly unattractive.  Truly.  On the whole, y’all have no idea how unattractive you are.  And since you’re not attracted to men yourselves and you’re too hung up on being labeled gay to even entertain the notion that another dude might be handsome, you simply have no idea what an attractive man might look like.  And trust me, an attractive man is not you.  I can not tell you the number of times I’ve been in a locker room with a guy taking off his clothes and thought to myself, “Oh, for the love of all that is good and holy, cover up.  With a towel.  Or a sheet.  A tarp.  Whatever.  Just cover. that. [continue reading...]

Dear Media ~ Stop Having Crazy Gun People On Your Shows!

I’m begging you, you gotta stop having the 2nd Amendment/Must Arm Ourselves As Protection From Government Tyranny people on your shows.  Just stop.

Why?  Why, in a country with Freedom of Speech would you not have certain people on your shows?  Because this is not a Freedom of Speech issue, it’s a “not all opinions are equal” issue.  You do it all the time.  You self-police.  You edit.  You no longer ask members of the KKK to come on and give their opinions about race relations in the country.  (You still invite professional gayhaters on your shows and ask them to present their opinions as if they’re valid, but that’s another post altogether.  This time I’d like to stick to the gun issue.)  Every time you invite someone who espouses the view that they need unlimited access to military grade weapons in order to prevent government tyranny you are turning your [continue reading...]

Dear President Obama ~ No More Heroes

I, like most Americans, spent the weekend watching and not watching and watching and not watching the Sandy Hook coverage.  Unable to take in such a massive tragedy yet compelled to reach for answers to unanswerable questions.  Hoping to make sense of the nonsensical.

On Saturday night, as my husband and I sat watching the news, too under the weather and stunned by Friday’s horrors to attend our yearly circuit of holiday parties, we heard how 27 year old Vicki Soto had protected her class:  by putting them in closets, by hiding them in her classroom so that the shooter might not see them.  It worked.  Vicki Soto’s students survived.  She did not.

My husband, a fifth grade teacher, turned to me and said, “There’s nowhere in my class to hide my kids.”

I had to make [continue reading...]

A Brief Letter to Jimmy Walker, Who Does Not Think Marriage Equality is Dy-No-Mite!

Jimmy’s own words, Via The Randy Report ~

“There’s just certain traditions that need to be upheld. I’ll give you the other side of it — no, it doesn’t affect me, no, it doesn’t change my life. There’s just traditions that need to be dealt with. I’m a believer that gay marriage should be passed because the battle is not worth the war. The gay lobby is very loud. I’m totally against it.

“In 100 years from now, people are going to go, ‘Who was against gay marriage?’ And I’ll be one of those idiots and say, ‘That’s me.’ I’m just against it on moral grounds, that’s it. I’m as much a heathen as anybody. I just don’t believe on moral grounds it should be done. I don’t like it, I don’t accept [continue reading...]

Dear Anderson Cooper ~ THANK YOU!

Dear Anderson ~

I am a middle-aged gay man and I just want to thank you.  Thank you for coming out of the closet today.  For saying to the world, “I’m gay.”  Of course, the graphic above is funny ~ and I personally will do anything for a laugh, so I had to share it ~ but don’t let it undermine the fact that what you did today was important.  Whatever we knew, or thought we knew, we needed to hear you say it.  It is the most important thing we can do for our LGBT children.  You have become another gay person they can look to when they hear words like “immoral” ~ when they hear angry voices condemning them ~ when they witness polls being taken and votes being cast which conspire to tell them that their equality is far from a reality ~ when they hear debates which [continue reading...]