Walking From Surgery, Part II ~ Surgery is Easy, Recovery is Hard

If it hasn’t already been written, can someone please write Zen and the Art of Recovery?

If it has, can someone please send me a copy so I can read it, study it, highlight it, earmark it, quote its über-inspirational passages and use my status updates to proselytize on Facebook?  Please?

Because I am not good at this.  Recovery requires a patience that I don’t naturally possess and I need a guide ~ or shaman ~ some form of spiritual presence to lead me to a hidden trough of patience and acceptance; balance and harmony.  You see, my natural tendency is to scream and rage and pout.  And left to my own devices I will begin each screaming, raging, pouting sentence with “But I WAAAAAAANT…..!!!!!!”

It’s not a good look on a 41 year old.

Three weeks after my surgery [continue reading...]

Walking From Surgery, Part I ~ Ode to My Blue Foam Wedge

I’m being tortured by a piece of blue foam.  I understand that it couldn’t possibly look any more innocuous ~ a blue foam wedge with four straps attached to it that must be kept between my legs at all times, including when I’m asleep ~ and when I was told that I would have to “wear” it constantly post-surgery, I nodded a nod of sweet, blind ignorance.  I thoughtlessly smiled and blank-stared my understanding and acquiescence.  I heard the words, but they had yet to be tethered to actual meanings; definitions.  What I acknowledged and agreed to was just sound.  Since then, those sounds have morphed into experience, and that once seemingly harmless blue foam wedge has become an instrument of torture powerful enough to reach down into the deepest layer of [continue reading...]

It’s No Big Deal ~ Thoughts On Getting Married…for the Fifth Time

Eventually I just gave myself over to it.

It is a big deal.

Rick & I are going into NYC today.  To get married.  For the fifth time.  But today will be our first “marriage.”

It didn’t start out feeling special.  This time around was solely to ensure that we are protected by a “we” bubble when I go into the hospital next week.  The thought that someone might bar Rick from my room, ignore him or treat him as some kind of stranger should a decision need to be made on my behalf, was beyond hideous.  I needed to know that all who come in contact with us know who he is and treat him accordingly.

This time around, the fifth time around, was not for love.  It was for comfort; for protection.

No big deal.  We’ve done [continue reading...]

Limping Towards Surgery, Part III ~ “You’re a worrier, aren’t you?”

Recently I was telling an acquaintance that Rick and I had gone in to NYC to get a marriage license and that next week we would be trekking back in to seal the deal.  I explained that we’re doing it now because I want to be married before my surgery.  Married.  Not domestically partnered.  Not civilly unioned.  Not any of the lesser options we’ve been forced over the course of our relationship to accept because they were what was available to us at the time.  Now that DOMA is dead, and since I’m having my surgery in New York (where marriage equality has been the law of the land for over two years and where, as far as I can tell, Western civilization has yet to crumble, at least not any more than it [continue reading...]

A Matter of Respect

I’m tired.  Tired of being told to respect differences of opinion.

This week I watched from afar as someone I don’t know ~ a friend of many friends ~ sounded off on FB regarding what marriage is and isn’t.  This person, who spent a lifetime in the theatre, riffed on religion, God and Jesus; ranted about bloodlines and how nothing other than one man, one woman marriage would ever be “real” marriage.  While infuriating, her tantrum wasn’t interesting or creative enough to have brought anything new to the table. Her posts merely exposed her ability to regurgitate the same bullshit we’ve come to expect from those who are suddenly more concerned with penises fitting into vaginas than with the fact that it will take the gays generations to destroy the institution of marriage with quite the same panache that heterosexuals have [continue reading...]

To My Husband on Our 13th Wedding Anniversary ~

Ricky ~

Our 13th wedding anniversary!  You know I’ve always had a thing about making it to ~ and past ~ 13 years.  Silly, right?  It’s not logical.  And anyway, longevity in and of itself is meaningless.  Still, I’ve always wanted to be your longest relationship.  I just have.

And now here we are.  I don’t really remember my life before you.  Yet I can’t quite account for all that time together.  Thirteen years.  Thirteen years?  Thirteen.  Years!

I don’t know what I envisioned we would be at this point.  Maybe I thought we’d be older.  Maybe we are older and I just don’t see it.  Maybe as we march towards old age our eyes have stayed fixed on some more youthful date in the past.  Maybe I thought we would have all the answers [continue reading...]

Limping Towards Surgery ~ Part I, The X-Ray Tech

A few days ago I met with yet another orthopedist in the hopes of resolving my hip issue once and for all.  At this point, I’m tired of talking about it, tired of thinking about it and tired of hurting over it.  I just want it resolved.  The time has come to cut it out, scrape it clean, staple it down and sew it up.  I just want to get back to my life as I know it.

The first thing Dr. New Orthopedist wanted to do was take his own x-rays.  My previous x-rays were taken three months ago and were therefore deemed “too old.”  I needed “more current” images.  I think this is code for “I don’t trust your previous doctor,” but whatever.  I want him to be comfortable treating me and if [continue reading...]

Gregory Gardner & Me, Part II ~ It Hurts So Good

Sometimes all the stars align.  And sometimes one of those stars is a black hole.  Singular, yet powerful enough to fuck up all the other stars.

I had the perfect job.  Doing an incredible show.  At a great theatre.  With inspiring and talented friends.  Performing a role I’ve been wanting to perform since 1985.  (Click here to read about my journey with the show, “A Chorus Line,” and the character of Greg.)  And it all just fell in my lap.  Boom.  Perfect.

How often does that happen?

Apparently never.  There was one tiny detail ~ one black hole ~ lurking in the background ~ that pulled it all apart.  My hip.  My hip, which I’m told is all used up and which has been causing me pain for the past four and a [continue reading...]

Dear Sheriff Wolfinger ~

Dear Sheriff Wolfinger ~

I came across your quote regarding the Boy Scouts lifting their ban on openly gay scouts under 18 in today’s blogosphere:

“It would be inappropriate for the sheriff’s office to sponsor an organization that is promoting a lifestyle that is in violation of state law,” Sheriff Ben Wolfinger said.

Sodomy is against the law in Idaho, he added.

Sheriff Wolfinger, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that you’re confused.  Very, very confused.

First of all, on June 26, 2003, the US Supreme Court struck down Idaho’s sodomy law in its landmark Lawrence v Texas decision.  Forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn here, but isn’t it pretty much your job to know the law?  I can only imagine that if your own job has you stumped, your head must be positively spinning by [continue reading...]

Updated: Dear Boy Scouts of America ~ It’s Not About Banning Gay Scouts & Leaders, It’s About Banning Honesty

Let’s be clear, the policy debate you’re currently having is not about whether to continue your ban on gays in the Boy Scouts.  The debate you’re currently having is about whether to continue your ban on honesty and integrity within the Boy Scouts.

The simple truth is this:  there always have been gay scouts and leaders and there will always be gay scouts and leaders.  You can not ban them.  All you can do is enforce a policy that forces them to lie about who they are.

A few months ago, on this issue of honesty, you decided not to decide.  At least not just then.  In the statement you made to the press you called this an issue with a great deal of “complexity” and said that “the organization needs time for a [continue reading...]